People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
