So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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