Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
