Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
