Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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