U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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