I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
God, I missed his penis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
