Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
