Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
