i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
