what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
