bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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