His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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