Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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