Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
