is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
