I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
