i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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