do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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