I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
