and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
