It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
