Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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