So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
