she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
