from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
