I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
