I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
