fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
