Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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