I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Randomize
