It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
