So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
