I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
