look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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