So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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