All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
