Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
