I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
