Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
