why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
