Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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