She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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