Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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