I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we're so committed to being not committed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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