Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
