I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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