Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your topless pictures make me question reality
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
