The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
