she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
