I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
